Only to see this 30 minutes later:
Look at that, a single girl won her first contest ever (accidentally) for a dating subscription right before Valentine’s Day. Well after I got over my fit of laughter I realized this was actually kind of lucky. I was moving to a new city after all, wasn’t I?
So I decided to take it seriously – as seriously as I could. The first day of setting up my profile I was weirdly excited, because I thought it had to be better than Tinder if people were paying $40+/mo. for the membership.
I also thought that NYC’s zip code would provide better options than Miami’s typical “aye mami” or “bottles at LIV tn?” However, 150 messages, 75 winks, and 100 photo likes in 24 hours later (from people whose screen names resembled my crush’s in 1999 on AIM)… I was skeptical.
So now for your enjoyment I put together my favorite lines from Match.com via Manhattan’s zip-code:
- Tho honestly I wouldn’t mind seeing you soaked in the summer heat 😉 – BryGangstaSaurus (kill me quickly)
- Something tells me that you might have 200 messages a day from guys that are 60 years old saying “Wazup, I just got divorced from my fifth wife, have twenty kids… but the good news is that I have a good chance at finally getting a job in Mc Donalds…etc. – Iggie Marino (something tells me this is his life story)
- HI – Charmingebyjoon (should maybe change his screen name?)
- Oh the writing on the singlestrides likes poetry – SamS8806 (thank you, Sam)
- That panda picture is so cool. Where did you travel that you saw pandas – JHB0512 (oh c’mon, it’s photo shopped but you’re sadly not the first to ask)
- Not sure why you’d want to come to NYC from Miami. Our subways are grimy, we don’t have nude beaches, and it’s slightly less acceptable to buy drugs from some guy named Steve. – nickjomaffa (Nick really nailed Miami)
- Awww a look but no response? 🙁 – rboom213 (stop it)
- Swing by and watch a movie at my place tonight. – InformalUrbanite (no, I only like format urbanites)
- i love water – dmittry (I love the really thoughtful insight that went into this one)
- BTW do you think you can be my personal trainer lalka? – gotham198o (“lalka” translates to “doll” in Polish… aka GTFO)
- Quick question, do you know who Bruno Mars is? Please answer me – gmanworld12 (lololol I don’t think I want to marry you)
- No response? Not good enough? – Floaton0408 (what is the point in sending these?)
- Do you believe in casual hookups? – abroy84 (not with you dude)
- Let me get this straight. You like to travel, enjoy trying new things, AND well-rounded, yet you’re fun and silly. There must be SOMETHING wrong with you. Is it webbed toes?… I’m going with webbed toes… lol – mysterious_vin (it’s mysterious why you’re single)
- hey my little pierogi, whatcha been up to?? – snoopdog7 (he was one of the promising ones *sigh*)
- I hate my age )) God bless – Kyle544 (really sorry to hear that Kyle)
- HOW ARE YOU!!! – 1havaclub (WHY ARE YOU WRITING IN ALL CAPS? DO YOU HAVE A CLUB??)
- Im really ambitious too but cant seem to find someone to match me – nickg25 (insert sad face emoji)
- so exactly how many cats do you own? – Matt_hew (lol, good one Matthew)
- Look, I totally understand Sonya… It’s because I haven’t put my shirtless bathroom mirror iPhone pic up yet, isn’t it? I promise I’ll have it online, 6-pack abs and flexing muscles, by the end of the week. 😉 Let’s chat, A – FarBey0ndDriven_ (I hate you)
- Were you raised by pandas? – SmoothCrush (yes, yes I was #AOII)
- Do you blog to eat free pizza or for the cause of pizza? – Dbasile (that’s a very important question)
It really makes you want to sign up doesn’t it? At this point I kind of prefer Tinder, and pizza.
On another note! Not everyone seemed undateable at first. There were a few where I guessed it was time to give my number to because I wanted to get to know them better. Well, I guessed wrong (it only took a handful of unanswered texts and one awkward phone call to figure that out), but you have to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince right?
So have I had success in my the first month and a half on Match.com? Not at all. Have I given up yet? Not yet, because after all I’m a girl who believes in love. So I’ll ride out the rest of this membership and maybe I’ll be lucky enough to find a unicorn.
Where you at bae?