Falling Apart

Why I Don’t Need You To Save Me

November 16, 2015
Why I Don't Need You To Save Me
I don’t want you to save me.

I don’t want you to rescue me or think that I need to be tamed. I certainly don’t want you to fix me, change me, or erase who makes me, me. I don’t want you to edit me.

I don’t need any saving. I don’t need any helping. I definitely don’t need anyone but me. So, no, I don’t want you to be a knight in shining armor coming to the rescue as if I’m a damsel in distress.

Because I am a happy mess.

I don’t want you to salvage what you think is left of my heart because I’m proud of these tattered pieces. Do you see how I’ve rebuilt them to sparkle between the cracks? That’s the fire I sparked within me.

I don’t want you to liberate me from some type of rebellious phase. I have learned on my own from these mistakes that I’ve made and they’ve led me to a place I am proud to call home.

I don’t want you to hold me up when I trip and fall. I am strong enough to rise on my own and I celebrate my scars – even in the dark; because I for one would rather chase stars than sunrises.

I don’t want you to come in thinking that you’re my saving grace, or that I am a project to work on, or a hobby to tend to. I don’t want you to come in thinking the wrong thing blatantly.

Because you’ll see it may end up being me who saves you.

I don’t want you to have expectations. I just want you to feel what you feel and to admit what you do. Drop the charade, the act, the games, and hold onto that possibility that’s keeping your heart warm.

Don’t be a fool and think that I am the one who’s foolish. I can be naive and I can be wild. I am reckless and I am a force to be reckoned with. But the real fool is the one who doesn’t know how to love.

Don’t come to me with promises or with solutions to problems I’m okay with having. Just be there today and stay tomorrow, if you want to. Do it without needing to.

I don’t want you to think that I’ll need you because I won’t. But I know that I will want you. Wouldn’t you rather me, too? The desire for something other than what others make love out to be.

I don’t want you to plan to be my happy ending. I want you to be my happy beginning that doesn’t have a timeline because I’d rather live in a world full of commas than settle for “the end.”

I don’t want you to save me.

I just want you to be here. Be here without strings or lines or lies or schemes. Just be next to me and find out if maybe you’ll love me. Maybe you’ll love me for exactly how you find me.

I am a mess, I am chaotic and I assure you I will drive you crazy. But I will also make you laugh and dream a little harder. I will make you question everything you’ve ever thought.

But I don’t need you to rescue me because I like the tattered soul I come with. I have lived and dreamed and I have been fine without you. So don’t save me – just be with me.

Please don’t look at me like someone who’s been waiting their whole lives to be in love. I have loved. I do love. I am always full of love. Yes, I’d love to love you, but I wouldn’t be lost without you.

You may come in looking at me and find me easy to please or easy to leave. But I promise it may be me who saves you… Saves you from the idea of what you think you want or what love should be.

I don’t want you to save me.

I saved myself long ago. I just decided to keep breaking apart because I like what I find when I do. So I am not a challenge and I am not a tease.

I am a girl. I am forever dancing between dreams. I am fragile because I am strong. I do not need saving. I just want someone to come and hold me once in awhile.

And maybe, just maybe, stay long enough to see if they’ll love me. To see if they’ll love me for who I am until they realize how much better it is to be broken.

Because you get it, right?

We had to bend, we had to break, to make room for someone else to stay.

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