Falling Apart

Everything You Want To Say To The Friend Who Wants To Take Back Their Ex

May 31, 2016
Before You Think About Taking Back Your Ex, Please Read This

So, here’s the thing: I’ve been you before.

I’ve been the type of girl who has been so blinded by love that she’s lost all access to her senses and soul. I didn’t listen to my family or my friends. I didn’t see what was right in front of me.

I only saw what I wanted to see. I didn’t feel the deceit in every touch, and I didn’t smell the lies when they were told.

I’ve been that girl, and I’ve been her probably more times than I’d like to admit. I did exactly what you’re doing now. I leaned on the person (or poison) whom I believed I loved. I pushed anyone who didn’t agree with me away.

I pushed until I was in a little corner of my heart with a person who didn’t care to be there. I pushed until I ended up breaking my own heart in the process.

I remember being you very clearly. I remember turning to people who didn’t know the whole side of the story because I just wanted someone to tell me something I needed to hear. I remember turning away from the people who knew what was best for me because I thought they were crazy.

Who would know better than me?

I remember blaming my friends for not being sympathetic and understanding. I thought they were the ones I couldn’t count on because he was still around. Because he was still trying. Because my friends no longer cared to try to comprehend how I felt. So, I turned to him because he got why I had to stay.

Well, I am thankful each and every day that I finally got away. I am so grateful that something eventually happened that made me leave, even if it meant being hurt beyond repair. I could have spent the rest of my life settling, blaming the wrong people, being numb to all of my senses and forgetting what the truth was. I would’ve become a shell of who I am now. I would have been just a shell for someone else to mold.

So, I get it. I get why you feel the way you do. I know why you say what you say and do what you do. I get why I find it so hard to see or hear from you. I get why I feel like I’m losing you.

I get why you want to stay. I get why you feel like he will change (or that he has). But, look at what else is changing. Look at yourself. Is this who you dreamed of turning into?

I know I used to be the girl who would go back to her ex, who would apologize for someone else’s mistake and who would think that giving a second chance meant believing in true love. That girl was so sad when she realized how much time she had wasted losing friends, missing opportunities and forgetting what real love could be.

I lost a lot when I was her. But I’ve since gotten it back, with more to spare. I believe more in love now than I ever did before because I know what it’s not.

I wouldn’t settle now because I know how much you miss in life when you do. I cherish my family and friends more now because I know they know what’s best for me.

So, here’s what I’m asking. This is going to hurt, but please don’t take him back. 

This isn’t to any one person, this isn’t to any one situation and this isn’t to any one sex, either. This is to the people who are thinking of forgiving the ones who have made them cry beyond reason, who have made them think they are less than perfect or who have made them think they are not worth it.

This is for anyone who’s heard, “You can do better.” Because every time you hear it, it’s probably true. This, darling, is for you. I’ve been you, but I will never be you again.

I’ve learned from my mistakes, and I pray you learn from yours. I would hate to lose you, but I would hate for you to lose yourself even more.

I would hate for you to waste any more of your precious life being the girl you’re not meant to be. You were meant to be more than you imagine. I’m sure of it. Don’t believe him. Believe the little girl who dreamed of love.

Don’t listen to him. Listen to the reason you keep going back in your head. Don’t let him ruin you. Let him build you into someone better by letting you go.

From one hopeless romantic to the next, please, I beg of you: Just don’t take him back.

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Originally published on Elite Daily

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2 Comments

  • Reply Annastasia June 7, 2016 at 11:49 am

    Really love your writing.

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