Right as I was planning my article on how I fared in NYC… this happened:
It has been goal of mine to get published on Huffington Post in 2015, and them sharing one of my Elite Daily articles is a f*cking fantastic step towards that. In this moment everything got clearer. Well, after I stopped crying and wiped the mascara away what I saw was that:
It was never about New York City.
The concrete couldn’t make me. The subway system couldn’t break me. The dreamers couldn’t change me. The bagels couldn’t fulfill me. But my heart could – my own traveling borough.
So I followed that instead of my head and I got it broken. But now, after this, I see dreams that are bigger than the high rises. I see inspiring more people than there are lights in Manhattan.
They really weren’t kidding when they said everything happens for a reason. My dreams are grander, wilder, and more than just the city. My dreams lie in my heavy, naïve, and dysfunctional heart.
And it doesn’t matter what city it’s in.
Now I realized that I’ll never regret following my heart. Now I see just how important it was to fall. I got up, and it really doesn’t matter that it took me this long or made me change my dreams of NYC, because it got me to here. It wasn’t somewhere I needed to go; it was always inside of me.
I’ve never been more grateful for getting lost, or risking everything for love. Following my heart was the something bigger I was looking for, because strength blossomed from weakness.
So I left regret in the snowy streets to melt and disappear with Spring, and all that I carried with me coming back from New York was my coat and my memories of a Valentines Day in the city.
I smiled like a lunatic walking down Fifth Avenue as it flurried peacefully. There was a bliss that warmed every part of me – even in the Arctic temperatures.
Like a gypsy, I switched dwellings each night. I even magically found/stole a heart-shaped balloon and roses Saturday night for myself, in honor of V-day, in the middle of the bar (still unsure where I found either of these, honestly).
I will forever remember the way the snow fell and disappeared on the sidewalks I dreamed of walking on. I will forever remember the smell of opportunity in Central Park.
I won’t forget seeing Lisa Vanderpump with Giggy in BG. I won’t forget dancing just to stay warm, or the Russian door girl bitching about “ratios.” But I won’t look back and think “what if” any longer.
In the city I left my past, and two pairs of gloves. I came back knowing that sometimes it’s okay to take a few detours in life. Sometimes, the only right way is going to the wrong way.
New York City treated me well with its bigger than life company, and the people I’m grateful to call my friends. But I am in the city I belong in. I am in the moment I was meant for.
I am in the here and in the now, and I will forever tell people to follow their heart instead of their head. You never know where it will lead, because the place that your heart takes you is exactly where you’re meant to go.
And, wow, the view is beautiful from here.