Falling In Love

This Is Why You Don’t Deserve To Fall In Love

December 14, 2015

We go on and on about how we should never settle. We tell ourselves and we tell our friends that you or they deserve better anytime someone’s heart gets broken. We attest to meriting a fairy-tale like love with a bountiful set of flowery words and indescribable feelings. We say this is what we’re looking for and this is what you warrant.

But are you justified for this kind of love? Are you, in your present state, deserving of an all encompassing, head-over-heels, and walking-on-air type of love?

I think sometimes we’re creating expectations that reach higher altitudes than our own substance. We think we should have a walking-on-air type of love even though we’re creating potholes in our own lives.

Why should someone fall in love with your smile if your smile is a lie? Why should someone fall for you at first sight if you’re blind to life? Why do you think that you – right now as you are – warrant the type of love many spend their whole lives searching for?

Now I’m not saying you don’t deserve love. I’m not saying that you don’t deserve to find happiness in someone’s embrace. And I’m definitely not saying you don’t deserve to find your soulmate and make a home in their heart.

What I am questioning is whether your heart is worth being someone’s home in this moment. Are you the type of person who you would fall for? Do you, first and foremost, love yourself? That is the question I am asking, and this is the argument I am making:

You must find love within yourself before finding it in someone else.

We should never go searching for someone to fix us. We should be working towards falling in love with our flaws and fixing our uninviting blunders. It’s not that we need to be perfect, because imperfection to the right person is absolutely charming.

It’s that we need to be content with the scars, with the wrinkles in our past, and with the high pitch laugh that comes out when you can’t quite help it.

We need to find solace with our own two hands before we go out like a beggar asking for help and healing. The answers are in us, somewhere deep inside the crevices of our hearts we have yet to explore. Go find that part of you that you’ve been looking for.

Don’t look for remedies in the twinkling eyes of a stranger. Find love for your persona so your eyes will be the ones that glitter like the stars. It’s that easy, and I know it must seem hard. We are always the worst critics and the adversary to our own hearts.

But we shouldn’t be. We should be our biggest supporter.Learn to ally with your heart and your mind. Make that little voice of intuition tell you that you’re amazing. Tell it to yourself again and again until you believe it. Say it until you are – and know that you can be.

This I promise you:

You can be amazing if you want to.

Today start falling in love with the awkward way your hair falls in your face and the clumsiness you display in every part of your life. Search for the things about yourself that you adore and embrace them like the gifts that they are.

Learn to do what brings you bliss and be wonderful at something. Fall in love, slowly, as you decipher your tendencies and study your dreams. Go be that somebody your parents always told you that you could be. Go grab the world and make a name in it before you go trying to grab someone’s heart.

Grow into the person that walks on air and the one that is head over heels for their own life.

So I’m not saying that you don’t deserve love; but I am saying stop and think about whether you would love you. So, do you? Well, let’s start there. Let’s start at being that someone that your soulmate deserves, because they deserve the best too.

So be your best. Be your best with flaws, with mistakes, and with the knowledge that they’re okay. Be your best by knowing whom you are and f*cking loving it. Be amazing by knowing that you don’t always have to be.

The grandest love of all time that you deserve the most… is the one you find behind your own eyes. Damn, now isn’t that quite a sight?


Originally published on Your Tango

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  • Reply Vance M December 14, 2015 at 1:28 pm

    It fascinates me when my train of thought starts showing up in things I read. Or is it that because I’m thinking it, that’s why I see it. At any rate, grate post. The way I see it, are you looking for someone to complete, or compliment? Looking for someone to complete you, is coming from a place of weakness, and in a way you’re depending on someone else to FIX you. Well what if that wonderful person that puts a sparkle in your eye doesn’t want that job! What if they’re not capable of that?
    I think we go into relationships with expectations that the other person are either unaware of, or worse yet they don’t have the capacity to handle.
    If on the other hand, you LOVE yourself, flaws, scars, crooked nose and all. You look for someone to compliment your quirks and flaws. You’re already accepting of yourself, so the relationship can focus on other things, not just in building your bruised ego. Like you said love yourself first, learn to love life, then you’ll learn to love another!

    • Reply Sonya Matejko December 14, 2015 at 4:25 pm

      Hi Vance! Always great to get your perspective on my articles. I agree with every you’ve said! This post is actually about being complete fully on your own – because yes, no one can do that for you. So your last few sentences are totally on point!!

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