Falling Apart

Why You Can’t Save A Damsel If She Likes The Distress

May 9, 2016
You Can't Save A Damsel If She Likes The Distress

Maybe I like being broken. In fact, I know that I do. I relish breaking apart because I like seeing what’s in between the breaks. There’s something magical about the mess because there’s an intrinsic beauty in chaos. It glitters and it shines brighter than any light.

Quite frankly, I think I was born broken.

Not to say that I didn’t come from a loving home or have a childhood I’ll always be fond of. No, that’s truly the opposite of what I mean. I was born broken because the world knew it had too much to offer me.

So every cracked sliver of my being was meant to be room for magic. I was meant to be a lover – a lover of the world – and collect the magic along the way. And especially the type that others would overlook, because everything can be magical depending on your perception.

Go ahead, tell I’m too romantic, too naïve, and too sensitive for my own good. Yet, do you ever wonder why I’m at my best when my heart is in pain? The more I break the more I feel and the more room there is for magic to brew.

And if you think about it, it solves the mystery about why tears sparkle and why you see stars in some people’s eyes and not others. Because some of us have a little bit more magic in us – simply because we have more space to put it in.

So, sure, I am delicate in the way my heart beats and breaks for the world, but I am stronger because of what’s between the cracks of it. You can call me weak and say I need saving, but trust me when I tell you I don’t need you to save me.

I certainly don’t need you to change me, edit me, or think that I need to be tamed. I don’t want you to take my magic away. I’ve been collecting it for years at every happy ending and at the final chord of all the sad songs. I’ve been treasuring last words and lost smiles.

It’s a shame no one ever notices the beauty that exists between the pain.

I’ve been saving the dust that people leave when their hearts break because it’s filled with love someone else couldn’t take. I’ve been stockpiling all my childish dreams I had growing up and still believe in as an adult. I’ve been saving tears throughout all these years because they’ve inspired me to survive – to be here.

I’ve been amassing all this magic that is usually forgotten and filling all those little empty parts of my heart and the vacant parts of my soul. And please, forgive me if you think that I am stealing… I am merely hoarding the things that people are leaving and mistreating so I could spill this magic out through my words and remind you:

Madness can be beautiful if you want it to.

So I fear less about breaking apart and more about having no room to store these charmed remains. I worry less about not fitting in and more about falling apart. I panic less about falling in love and more about what I’ll find on that fall.

I don’t get scared about not finding true love because that’s the whole point of this, you know. Because as I’ve said before, we had to bend, we had to break, to make room for someone else to stay. And I’d like them to stay somewhere magical.

In truth, I am madly in love with the world and have a complicated relationship with the universe. The world brought me in broken, and I have no intention of leaving it whole.

So forgive me for not constantly searching for my other half – I am many, many different parts of broken hearts and unfinished love stories. So it’s spot-on that I like being broken, but it makes life so much more of an adventure.

You can’t save a damsel if she likes the distress, and I’ll be honest when I say I love this chaotic mess.


Originally published on Your Tango.
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  • Reply Katie Wilhelm May 19, 2016 at 2:28 pm

    I identify with this on a new level. Love keeping up with your blog Sonya! You put things into words like no one else can! Thanks for the great read 🙂

    • Reply Sonya Matejko May 19, 2016 at 2:54 pm

      You’re so very welcome!! Always great hearing from you Katie 🙂

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